HULK SMASH!!!

THE AVENGERS ARE COMING!!!
THE AVENGERS ARE COMING!!!

Yes they are indeed coming! The Avengers movie is opening this weekend and I could not be more excited!!!

Remember this clip from Despicable Me?

Now picture the little girl is me and the fluffy unicorn is the Avengers. THAT IS HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW!!!!! I CAN’T WAIT!!!

Now if you know anything about me, and I’m sure you do because we’ve all become such great friends over my 30 plus years writing this blog (I’ll be over for dinner tonight BTW), you know that I am a huge comic book junkie. I collect them, sometimes draw them and I even used to work at Marvel comics for 10 years.

Yup. I did indeed. 10 years. You don’t believe me? You need actual proof?
Jiminy Cricket are you trying to make me angry?!? (breathe Thomas…breathe…)

Ok. Fine. Check out the videos below featuring one fantastically handsome man and bare witness to all the proof you need while I try to calm myself down. (breathe..)

Not enough? OK. Click here to see what those videos are all about.


You’re back! Now do you believe me? No?!?!? You don’t think that’s me? ARGH!!! (must not get angry…) Are…you..trying…to….make…me…angry?!?!?

Me…show…milk…now…

Yes. I dyed the milk green. That is not photoshop.

Please don’t drink my milk. It would make me angry and you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. —Dr. Bruce Banner

YOU STILL NO LIKE?!?! NOW ME VERY MADDDDD!!!!!

AAAARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! HULK SMASH!!!!!!!

It’s Science!

I just want to tackle a myth that’s been going around about drinking other people’s milk.

Some people believe that participating in such an act would put you at risk of acquiring someone else’s germs through some type of mouth to mouth fluid transfer. I am here to tell you that is total and complete nonsense and as everyone who knows me knows that I am the world’s foremost leading authority in lactolengualchemology.(it’s a real science. look it up I don’t have time to explain it)

As you can see in the graph below, statistics clearly show that fluid transfer is minimal
at best.

Well, you have to look at it a certain way to see that. Trust me, I’m a doctor.

With that in mind, I decided to use my latest milk as a billboard to speak my mind on behalf of this cause. I really feel people need to know.

Do I like to drink from the bottle?
Yes.
Should that be a concern of yours?
No!
Studies show that drinking from the bottle only provides about 72% total backwash, so that should leave you about 28% chance of not getting any of my saliva…

So, I hope that dispels some of these outrageous claims of saliva contamination and besides, getting a little saliva is just like getting a little kiss from me and who doesn’t
want that?

I mean, here’s a photo of myself I just took with my cel phone.

PUCKER UP!!!

I See Dead People

Sorry I’ve been a ghost of myself lately around here and haven’t posted in a while. It’s been crazy busy for me and yet not a lot to show for it.(don’t worry this is not a rant post)

Good thing I always have my milk in the morning with my cereal to keep me going, and to my surprise it looks like I may have found some great fortune in it!

Lets take a look!

BEWARE! This is not Casper the friendly ghost. It’s Casper the un-friendly ghost! Release him at your own peril!!!

Check it out! It’s Casper the Friendly Ghost! What luck! He and I can become best friends forever. I can just see us now frolicking and having the greatest time ever! What a great day for me to find a friend forever trapped in one of my own bottles of milk!

I can’t wait to open it and release him from this prison! What could go wrong? He’s the friendly ghost!!!

What’s that you  say? Warning? What warning? They probably wrote that to keep him trapped there. It’s just nonsense! Just look at his sweet innocent eyes…

Uh Oh…

BTW- Does anyone realize that Casper is a children’s cartoon about a dead kid? Justsayin…

Never Trust a Big Butt and a Smile

That girl is poison.

Truer words have never been spoken and I live by those words to this day.
These men will always be known as the greatest philosophers in Earth’s history.

                 Plato.                              Socrates.                           Bell Biv Devoe.

That song taught me one thing, to never trust anything at face (or butt) value, but in this case you should never trust a milk bottle with a skull and cross bones on it.

Is it poison?

Is it actually milk?

Is it a figment of your imagination?

Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a landslide

No escape from reality…

BOHEMIAN MATRIX RHAPSODY and we’re all in it…or not…maybe we are…?…?…?

It’s Been a Long Time, I Shouldn’t Have Left You…

…without a milk bottle to step to. Think of how many weak blogs you been to.
Time’s up. I’m sorry I kept you.

In case you didn’t recognize that line (altered a bit for milk blog purposes), that is a line from one of the greatest hip hop MC’s ever, Rakim in the song I Know You Got Soul.

As you can see, I am a huge fan of old school hip hop (maybe it’s because I was around when it started. Yes. I’m old) and now because of that I decided to add a little lyrical flavor to one of my warnings. No art this time. Just a lyrical flow thats funky because I’m a hip hop junkie.

What? You doubt my skills. Oh. Hell No! You better recognize!
Check my style out! Uh…Uh…

Sang to the tune of “Rapper’s Delight”
I said a hip, hop, the hibit, the hibit to the hip hip hop you don’t stop. The rockin to the bang bang boogie, said up jump the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie to be. Now what you here is not a test, I’m rapping to the beat and me my food and my milk are gonna all belong to me!
You see, I like to drink my milk and I’d like to say FOR REAL?!?! To the inconsiderate people who want to keep me from my ceREAL!!!

Whassup wit dat? Yeah. I just dropped some funky lyrics on you.

What?!?! You doubt me again? Said I came soft with that?!?! You don’t think I know what’s popping in the streets?!?! Ahite. Well check it. You better put a quarter in your a@$ cuz’ you played yourself!

BAM!

Yeah. That’s me back in the day. Check out that hoodie. Check out ‘dem Tims (Timberland Boots for you squares) and most of all check that pimped out 93 Geo Storm! (IT’S NOT PINK. IT’S MAGENTA DANG IT!) That whip (car) is banging son!

So if you don’t know, NOW you know!

PEACE!!!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

Well it’s that time of the year again!

The time for love and romance, but this year I wanted to give some love to the people who don’t always get the love they deserve.

This one is for all the vampires out there. You live in darkness, hang with the creatures of the night and amass the worst dental bills of all time maintaining those sharp teeth and paying Dentists to work such late hours.

Everyone hates you and I’m here today to show you some love.

So, for all the vampires in the office I blended a special milk just for you.

Blended with the finest types available. This blood’s for you!

Go ahead and enjoy on me, and hang around for a while (literally if you’d like). I want you too feel safe. There is no way this was a trap set out by any famous vampire hunters. Nada, zip, zilch. None what-so-ever. Everything is A OK.

Whatever you do, just…

                   …DON’T                                …LOOK                         …BEHIND YOU

BLADE. WIN.

BTW-If you’re a vampire hunter with the name GENEVIEVE, you have a special mission and need to click HERE.

Smart Milk!

First off I want to say sorry for the delay in my next post. I got all caught up in the Giants winning the Super Bowl, an event you of course know that I already knew the outcome of. (If you don’t know I already predicted it, that means you didn’t read my first post. If you didn’t read my first post then, what’s wrong with you? I slave for hours over a milk bottle plotting and drawing to make you happy and you just come in to this blog and glance right past it like some fancy pants post…passing uhhhhh…guy…errr…gal…whatever)

In other words I TOLD YOU DO SO!!!

Anywhoo. For my next bottle I started to go into more of a writing exercise. No art here.
I tried to be more subtle with this one. Check it!

Oh hey, it’s you again! Are you here to drink my milk? Well guess what? It’s your lucky day! I just read a report that states that when you share someone’s milk, you also share their intelligence. Lucky for you I’m pretty SMRT!

So the idea was basically to let people know that if they drank the milk, they would become as smart as me by a transfer of my awesome smart genes through the milk! This time I was trying to be helpful! Coincidentally, I noticed right after that a few people in the office became progressively dumber. I have no idea why.

BTW-for those of you who may not get the SMRT reference, I guess you’re not as smort and you thought you were. Who’s the smrt one now? Huh? I’ll wait.

Image belongs to-http://shirtsays.com/tv-shirts/simpsons-shirts/i-am-so-smrt-shirt

It Has Begun!!!

As I stated in my previous post I would begin the next by starting from the beginning, so here we go!

When I first noticed someone had started taking my milk without permission I thought I needed to do something about it. That’s when it came to me to start writing warnings on my milk.

Now, I could have just written my name to mark it as mine, or gone the other way and wrote something disgusting like I spit in it, but that is just not how I roll Playa.

Then it dawned on me who is someone I would not mess with? Did you say Dr.Doom? Then great, you are correct! If this milk belonged to him I’d make it a point to stay away. He’s got enough trouble dealing with the Fantastic Four, he sure as hell doesn’t need me messing with his stuff! (stop trying to tell me he’s not real. You know he is and he’s watching you right now!)

Here it is!

Ahh yes. You again, here to drink my milk, Excellent! Just a few more sips and your mind will belong to me! You will do my bidding! First you, then the office, the THE WORLD! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! —Dr.Doom

This was before I really started adding a lot of art to the bottles so there’s just the small illustration of Doom’s mask, but it’s very effective. Look again.

LOOK!

DOOM OWNS YOU!!!

Are You Ready for Some FOOTBAALLLL!!!!!

It’s Super Bowl Time!

For my first post I thought I would start a bit different.

Originally I planned to start chronologically with my milk posts. From the earliest to the latest and greatest, just so you could see how I was evolving with this, but I forgot that the Super Bowl was this weekend and I wanted to honor that.

Well, because I have the ability to travel through time, I created a milk that reveals the outcome. *SPOILERS* The Giants win!

As you can see this milk has a sign that says “Lombardi Trophy. Only to be removed by NFL Champs” to deter would be milk thiefs. Then it transitions to the
Lombardi trophy and on the final side shows the Giants logo breaking through the wall because they win!

I’ll start from the beginning on my next post. Promise.

GO GIANTS!!! (although I know they already won)